“We’ve always just had this deep connection, so that’s why, like, I never stopped loving him throughout any of this,” Marissa Lasoff-Santos said of her husband.
Marissa Lasoff-Santos and her partner’s journey together has evolved in unexpected ways, but their deep connection has remained steadfast. Initially, Lasoff-Santos identified as a gay woman, while her partner, originally a bisexual woman, has transitioned into a man. Despite the complexities of this change, their bond has not only endured but strengthened. Lasoff-Santos, a 33-year-old librarian from Michigan, speaks to the transformative power of love, noting how her husband’s confidence and happiness have only deepened her attraction to him.
This narrative is not unique. Many couples experience a transition together and find that it does not have to signal the end of their relationship. In fact, some find that their marriages flourish as a result of the transition, driven by new honesty and a better understanding of each other. While hard data on such relationships remains limited, therapists and couples agree that a significant number of marriages survive — and even thrive — after a gender transition.
In Lasoff-Santos’ case, her own feelings evolved alongside her partner’s transition. “Even though he was the one transitioning, I felt like I was going through my own transition,” she shares. It wasn’t easy, she admits, managing her own emotional journey while supporting her partner’s. She was conscious of not wanting to appear selfish, as both partners navigated their personal transformations at different times.
Kristie Overstreet, a sexologist and psychotherapist with 18 years of experience working with transgender people, estimates that about 40% of relationships survive a gender transition. These numbers, while not definitive, suggest that many couples adapt, finding ways to work through the challenges and changes that come with such a major life event.
Kelly Wise, a sex therapist in Pennsylvania, also reflects that around half of relationships in his practice that go through a gender transition ultimately end. While there are a range of reasons for these breakups, including emotional strain or personal growth that leads to new paths, many couples still manage to forge stronger relationships. The diversity of these outcomes underscores the complexity of navigating love and identity in the face of change.
These stories also emphasize the fluidity of sexual identity. As LGBTQ relationships continue to evolve, especially two decades after the legalization of same-sex marriage in the U.S., more people are understanding that love doesn’t necessarily depend on fixed definitions. Relationships like Lasoff-Santos’ highlight how these evolving identities can contribute to a more resilient connection, one that embraces change, growth, and new forms of love.
For those who persevere, a gender transition can be an opportunity to deepen intimacy, understanding, and partnership. The flexibility and resilience that couples exhibit in these situations can serve as a powerful example of how love can endure and thrive, even through life’s most significant transitions.